CBS News video Julie Che ho pays for what on a date? Can you ask a guy out? We?ve been wrestling with this question for 30 years with no resolution. Re-Writing Dating Rules-April Beyer Dating Coach & Relationship Expert Woman on stree would not pick up the tab on the first date, nor would I ask a man out initially. It?s OK to be independent, but if he wants to be a gentleman and pick it up, absolutely. Yes, I believe in asking a guy out on a date and I believe in picking up the check. OK, I think that?s totally their job to ask the girl out. That?s just the way it?s always been. I think that?s the way it should always be. Women should ask men out on the first few dates. In the early stages of dating, I?m happy to pay for myself, because I don?t want to feel obligated. Julie Che e return now to relationship coach and matchmaker April Beyer. Good morning, April. April Beye ood morning, Julie. Julie Che ll right. If you?re a single, professional woman and you?re dating, there seems to be a lot of confusion out there. Set the record straight. Can we pay for a check? Can we ask a man out? What do you say? April Beye y answer, Julie, is absolutely not. We are really ruining the traditional way of courtship. And I think a lot of women nowadays, because we have become successful, powerful, strong women and we can afford to pay for our own dinners, I think women are tending to reach for the check. And I?m finding that men aren?t liking that. Julie Che ell, I want to put up on the screen a list of the things that you say women are doing wrong, and break it down; explain it to us. You say these are dating mistake eaching for the dinner check, Using the phras I?ll get you next time,? Going toe-to-toe with men in a tit-for-tat type of game, and Asking men out on dates. April Beye es. Julie Che hy don?t guys like this? April Beye t?s emasculating. It?s emasculating. Men, when they?re courting us, they enjoy that. Men love the dating process. Now this is a different topic of once you?re in a relationship and then you become partners. And then, of course, it?s important to share. But in the beginning, men want to take us out. They get pleasure from that. And reaching for a check? A lot of times women do this because they think it?s a way of giving back to that man. ?You got dinner last time. I?ll get it this time.? What it?s really doing is it?s taking that away from them. And I think women need to ask themselve hy am I doing this? It is because I really want to give back, or am I really trying to gain control back? There?s a difference. Julie Che hat if the woman makes a lot more money than the guy? April Beye hat happens a lot and there?s still no excuse. If you make more money than a man, he still has to pick a place (and again, this is in the beginning), he has to pick a place that he can afford. So if you?re being asked out by a man and he makes a lot less than you do, you have to assume that the restaurant he chose or the date that he chose is something that he can manage. Julie Che o now we?re letting him choose the restaurants, too? April Beye es! Yes, yes, yes. Julie Che ou?re really saying let the guy take the lead on everything. April Beye n everything. It?s really important. Even if he suggests a restaurant that you really don?t want to go to, unless you?re allergic to everything there, let him do it. And then the next time you can go to the place that you?d like to. It?s super, super important in the beginning. This is primal. This is a lot deeper than just reaching for the check. And this whole thing of saying, ?I?ll get you next time,? to a lot of the men that I?ve interviewed, they think that mean 11 ?I don?t want to be in a romantic relationship with you. I just want to be friends.? So a man will take a step back after that; yes he will. Every time. Julie Che re you kidding me? All right. What do you have to say to the women who are listening to this saying, ?You are setting back the women?s movement by 30 years!? April Beye gh. I hear that all the time, Julie. And it?s not true. Traditions are traditions because they work. Men are unhappy right now. They?re confused. They don?t know what to do. And women are really unhappy. If this is making people happy, I will ask them, OK, if you do want to pick up the check and you want to exercise your independence and you want to do all of these things, and a lot of these younger women that commented, they?re exercising all of that because they?re just out of college, so they want to be independent. My question back to them i s this making you happy? Are you loving being that equal financial partner? Julie Che nd the answer is? April Beye he answer is no. There?s a lot of unrest right now and a lot of unhappiness. Julie Che ell, why don?t the guys speak up? I mean, did they? April Beye ecause they think this is what we wan Oh, I let her pay because she wanted to. So I let it.? But our paying for the check gets lost on them. What?s more important and more meaningful are things like how to reciprocate like you mentioned earlier. Julie Che ait, let?s put that up on the screen. And keep a straight face. OK, you say these are the ways to give back to a man. Prepare a nice dinner at your place. Send him a thank you card. Send a book on a subject he?s interested in. A thank you card? Doesn?t that seem a little? April Beye t?s a nice gesture. It goes a long way. We?re so into the age of texting and email now. A phone call and a personal lette hose things have gotten lost a little bit. I do think that men, when they?re courting us, they want one thing back. They want to know that their efforts are being noticed. They want to know that they?re making us happy. So sending a little thank you note, ways of giving back as a woman are, you know, if he comes to pick you up, (and let?s just say he?s taken you out to three or four really nice dinners and you?re feeling a little uncomfortable and you feel it?s a little unbalanced), That might be the time to do something from your feminine energy. Make a dinner. Write a note. Julie Che hat if you don?t know how to cook? April Beye hat if you don?t cook? Then you order something. You order something from a lovely little corner restaurant that you love and you have it prepared on a plate. They don?t mind so much? Julie Che hen you stick ?em with the check. April Beye o, no, no! Julie Che ust kidding! But if it?s at your home; men go out all the time. They know how to date. What they don?t know how to do are things that we know how to do. I?m just asking women to come up with more creative ways to give back, rather than saying, I?m going to give back in the exact same way that he gives. There?s a difference. Julie Che f you say it works? April Beye t works; it works. Julie Che ou know, don?t knock it till you?ve tried it. April Beyer, thanks so much. April Beye hanks, Julie. Julie Che ou?re welcome. April Beye hank you.