on on welcome back to the 21 convention I hope everybody enjoy their quick or break our next speaker is have live training at the social man he's been in the industry for approximately five years and it's his third time speaking at the 21 convention welcome neck sparks world yeah given up for me up now other may doing today yeah on pretty amazing convention that I am paper fun year after year look around the block for happen and fans he invested into gonna do it anyway sup I had about like 15 or 20 minutes or so prepared where I just got talk about myself give you a little intro talk about my past let you really get to know me for a while my up that I realize that you probably really didn't give a shit about that so I decided to cut that portion let somebody does would anybody like to hear about my history in my past alright I appreciate that guys you're very sweet thank you arm are would you rather I just kind is cut into advice thing that might actually be beneficial are helpful for you yes show of hands for for the intro Chopin's thank you I appreciate it for the actual contact showdowns and banks I have I appreciate that try not to take that too personal and I'm not here whatever I to me this conference okay so what i won to talk to you to you guys about today I am aside from myself is approaching approaching women that sets I am other times have been all over the place today I just want to talk about this one thing in particular right here and why am I gonna do that this is a good question you might say why wouldn't you want to talk about that but this is a good question why am I gonna spend my time up here talking about approaching not necessary you don't need it it's completely superfluous to you finding a mate who you dating you having happy successful lives when it comes to the women when it comes to everything don't need approaching what's true don't need it whatsoever the vast majority people think about I think about all the people you know in your life right now friends family acquaintances how many of these people actually on a regular consistent basis are stepping outside their personal bubble a friends and just walking up and talking to random strangers not only just talking to random strangers but getting positive like Joe be a reaction not only getting these positive positive jovial reaction but with the women like getting attraction within five to ten to twenty minutes and getting phone numbers and going further how many people do you know that actually do that you can probably count on one hand to if you know a lot of people but that's really stretching it even than my point being is that this whole being there some social Superman this whole like going out talking to anyone in lighting people up it's a rarity in our society in our world lot of people most people the vast majority of people don't possess this this ability very very rare when you find something that is so naturally outgoing a lot about everywhere most people go through their entire lives yeah every once in a while having a couple cocktails and talking to a stranger at a party or a friend's thing but usually they day people through social circles I am they they they take a class and they meet somebody threw their online dating becoming huge right now you can date the new couple new girls every single week and never do a single approach you don't have to learn bass most guys will be happily married and never even worry about approaching approaching approaching so why do we care so much about it why am I going to spend my entire time upon the stage talking about it if it's such a big waste the time of the isley it's not obviously there's something there that so valuable that we want it right yeah there is only a few rare people that have that ability to do this all the time why can't we be that person right why the hell can't we be in that one percent to be individuals certainly a noble goal to try to live up to why not good question and how many times we've all been in that situation at the grocery store at the coffee shop at the park walking down the street at the party at the bar saw that girl all my god heart skips beats she goes walking out her life forever we wonder what could have been some variation you've all been there you've all understood at and he didn't say hi you didn't approach he didn't say anything why of I just knew what to say I just had the right thing to say are all I i couldn't move my I couldn't think fast enough like pros you don't want a free if you wanna know what to say you wanna be able when life throws that person that you've been dreaming about that person that gets you exciting you wanna miss those opportunities you want that person to be in your life if there is a chance of it happening whatsoever you don't want to miss that chance two ways you can go about living life one dictating what happens what you get any other just /url whatever like Hans to me most people go by doing the same ol same ol in their fine but very very few people step outside the box and say no I want something else I want something different i wanna take this into my own hands and that's why you're here that's why we actually care about approaching cover second just taking whatever's handed to us we want to change our cars we want to turn and get a new hand every once in a while and this skill this is noble social ability that very very few people have gives us that opportunity and yeah I know you guys have all talk to girls you guys involved on approaches you guys have all I put in wraps and everything and I'm sure some love you very well might be able to how many guys be honest is there anyone in this room right now who when you see that girl it any situation that just all makes you melt you would not even hesitate before walking up to her and saying some pic anywhere within if she's like within a hour you know a block radius of you how many guys going on sleep with their hand up and say I would never hesitate in that situation I can't do it sure as hell can't do it and so yes even though you guys have done it before you're not satisfied very very few if you are satisfied how do I know this because I've been coaching guys for five years and if there's one thing I hear more than anything else yes I help guys have better conversations with girls yes I help guys get more sexual than escalate things of course but there's one thing I hear more than anything else I want more opportunities and I'm sick and tired of letting those opportunities pass me by but one thing I hear more than anyone else it's still the biggest thing that for whatever reason doing this for how many years people are just not satisfied that's why I'm talking about this today what gives me the right to talk about it why should I even be the one to took two hours to speak to you about it well a coaching program that the social dances in a plug swear I didn't mean it to be this way better coaching problem with the social man they're not perfect we're working on improving them every single day but one thing that we do nail is there's not a single guy that walks through our program who spend the weekend with us that has any problem approaching like a machine afterwards some guys conversation we still need to brush up with some guys you know flirtation escalation still need a little bit work but if there's one thing I can always guarantee is you will not walk away from that weekend having any problem approaching whatsoever bold guarantee how can I make something like that good question the reason like guys walked out of our programs without every having any problem in this area whatsoever because after one of our programs the guy is no longer making the two big mistakes that the vast majority up man make who are struggling with this stop when it comes to approaching women the best majority a people may get if you're still struggling with consistency you're making at least one of these two mistakes not maybe not all the time but enough the time that your consistency is and where you want to be and that's what I'm gonna be sharing with you right now what those two are and let me make it clear after listening me speak you're not going to just I'm not I I don't know I'm not doing some some magic stuff to rewire your brain chemistry as I'm talking to you you're not going to be able to walk out of here and and and not you know have your whole feelings about approaching change I wish I could do that I can't you're gonna be able to understand what i'm talking about. from an intellectual fam points very simple I promise it won't go over anyone's had and it's probably stop you thought I before it's probably stuff you've heard the fourth probably stop you were already doing when you are %ah and he didn't even think about it and you're having a great time in talking to everyone so this won't be any any big secret and it probably won't be anything that 991 percent you haven't done but the problem is in some situations you revert back to1 make these mistakes1 and when it counts most in front of the people you care most about from the1 women your most attracted to1 you fall consistency Sox and that's why you actually care about1 what I'm going to be saying that there1 sup what are these two mistakes1 nombre what and before I start the important thing about these two mistakes1 is that they are universal1 there's not a human being who is not arm1 felt one of the symptoms one of these things about the talk about1 if in each one of us from the time were children it's completely intertwined1 without human DNA with our humana1 who we are what we want what it means to be us1 there's no running away from it there's no escaping it1 all we can possibly do is try to to live with it in control ourselves in control1 like what1 our actions as best we can. despite a bit1 you'll see what I mean in just a second the number one mistake1 that just about everybody makes completely natural we're doing it from1 the time were children1 is that for whatever strange reason1 we always just want to believe1 that the world revolves around us right1 when you're a child you believe that your the center everything everything1 revolves around you in fact as a child you learn1 how to relate with the world in terms of how it affects you this is our1 integral part of a child's development I learn1 what this water isn't based on what it does to me1 like I don't care what it is outside to me but I care about how it feels to me1 outpace in my mouth from how it feels when I jump in the swimming pool1 water could even exist outside at me when I'm a child1 and in our adult lives we usually grow out of these tendencies1 we usually move past that in most parts of our life1 however in those times that we actually care1 in those times that we get nervous in the times that we put value on a1 situation we have a tendency1 reverting back for some less than glamorous tendencies1 and one of those tendencies being to interpret things1 exterior things especially things that we value1 simply in terms of how they relate to us interpreting everything through Outlands1 what do I mean1 if you're speaking to up a woman who you do not find1 that attractive right you don't1 value her she is but let's just say in your own worldview1 she is on attractive right and you go to talk to this person1 and she's cold she's distant1 she's on responsive1 what do you say to yourself you say well she's not a very nice person1 mate miss you and so ugly she prolly would be so mean all the time1 some variation right %uh why she's such a bitch1 now let's take that girl only transformer two most beautiful woman1 ever seen in your life1 or the most beautiful woman ever seen that night standing there1 hairs perfect make-ups per bag outfits actually1 whatever your dream girl happens to look like and you go to talk to her1 she is unresponsive she's cold1 she is distant what's the first message to go through your head now1 she didn't like me I didn't say the right thing1 my line wasn't good enough I wasn't funny enough what could I have said in1 order to get a better reaction out her what should I upset right there1 what am i doing wrong why can't I figure this out1 YM I struggling the second that value comes into play1 everything we know about things is operating in a rational level goes out1 the window when we become1 that child again it all becomes about us1 how does that relate to me what does that say about me1 what does that say about who I am my value which is giving away in that1 moment1 why1 what makes her so special1 ask yourself that question1 here's the key for something that I teach I call it the1 60/40 principal really really really simple1 this one kinda helps you remember not to get caught in this crap1 and what the 60/40 principal says is that anytime1 ever gets any sort of reaction out another human being1 any point in your life sixty percent amid1 has nothing whatsoever to do with you the vast majority a bit1 has to do with her where she's at what her1 upbringing was like how outgoing she is how social she is1 how how old grain she is able to come up to a with a witty comeback1 went to some stranger approaches her if some gorgeous girl came up here and said1 hey how's it going1 are you gonna be there with like some funny come back to read a starter and1 maybe get a little nervous sometimes1 why is she any different1 maybe issue just having a bad week maybe1 her boss is being a dick that day maybe she just got broken up with maybe1 should have the best relationship with her father maybe that dress she is1 wearing makes her feel fat1 baby she is not be late and maybe she is men's trading that's probably gonna be1 the biggest the terminal whether you get a positive or negative response1 sixty percent the best majority of it has nothing to do with you what so ever1 yeah 40 percent they're still stop on your control there's still stuff you can1 do to influence that situation1 but why is it when you get that negative response1 from a woman that you actually care about that you actually value1 is your first impression what did I do wrong1 what's wrong with me and set up what's wrong with her1 why make any sense whatsoever1 logically because that it's one thing to understand intellectually1 actually understand it right here requires action1 in situations in which you normally wouldn't want to take action1 what is all mean what is all 60/40 thing mean in terms of approaching when1 and you know what in terms of approaching I say 60/40 for all parts1 have been interaction1 for approaching I'd say it's way less than that I would put it at1 80/20 1910 what i'm saying is that when you approach a woman1 yes there are some things that on your control1 however the vast majority of a response1 has nothing to do with you1 what so ever and you know this too when you're talking to a girl you don't care1 about you been there before1 she doesn't respond arm as you like it to your idea whatever I'm having a great1 time1 but yet you all know that there's been times when a woman that you actually1 value1 has not been social has shown that she lacks1 on social intelligence or social abilities1 so that she's not a very friendly mood show that she is not outgoing show that1 he can hold a conversation1 and you feel dejected you feel like you did something wrong you feel like she's1 rejecting you1 she camp reject you especially if she gets to know you after a while and you1 just screw things up left and right1 then she can reject you in those first five percent seconds all she can do is1 tell you a little bit about urself1 the first biggest mistake the guys make1 they take it personally it's about me when it has nothing to do with you1 what so ever always about your aunt1 when I win when you do wrong always me I said the wrong thing she doesn't like me1 I mean it works well in opposite right she respond positively can't wait the1 pump yourself up1 man she loved me I look so good I said the right thing like I with soap1 Kings moon how could she not want me are you joking1 I had to tell you 60/40 kinda works there too now she was probably just1 copulating or any yeah she like you but1 don't give yourself so much credit is more to do with the fact that she was in1 the mood1 and you just happen to be a man who she was attracted to1 but she has a say in this too not all you that deserves all the credit here1 maybe she ran a little game on you as well1 first biggest mistake second biggest mistake1 that the vast majority of us make especially when times are hard1 especially when we get put in situations1 that test our patience that test our nerves1 also incredibly human also incredibly boring us from1 jeers from the time we could1 crawl central air1 this mistake is is that oh man this is this is this is common among1 all kinds of anxiety think about any time you've ever been nervous that I1 think her1 in general when human beings get anxious or nervous about things in their life1 this is one of the first response is that human beings have to it1 is that when they find something arm that they don't like that doesn't make1 them feel good1 that they can explain that1 just book had the they just don't enjoy1 something they don't understand something that makes them feel1 anxious something they fear when the first1 most common human reactions is they want to control that thing1 they feel that if they can exert more control1 over that situation then that will alleviate their fear1 if they can somehow just dominate if it wasn't so I'm on the air for one so1 random it wouldn't so scary it wasn't so1 unknown but that would alleviate their fear than they would be able to control1 the situation then they would be able to approach all the women that they what1 you told yourself that if I just had that line if I just knew what to say so1 that I could minimize rejection2 then I could approach and I if I could just will rejection down to maybe like2 98 10 percent then I would have no problem no fear approaching any woman2 anytime anywhere2 here's the big difference between when you pour yourself that2 between a guy who doesn't have any pure protein that rare one person who doesn't2 have any pure protein whatsoever2 hey you're like well if I could minimize rejection then2 I could go approach whenever the natural says2 rejection just part of the game I know I'm going to get rejected I'm gonna get2 rejected a lot2 it's a numbers game they don't try to control2 well maybe if I can just try to get the puck no 60/40 principle they know2 without even thinking about it they know2 sometimes are gonna get good reactions sometimes girls are going to be in good2 moods sometimes girls are gonna be having a good day sometimes girls are2 gonna be ovulating2 and sometimes girls are going to be in not so good of a mood2 sometimes girls are gonna be and having a bad day2 sometimes girls are going to be men's trading they're not sitting there trying2 to2 rack your brain over how they can increase their odds now they know that2 the vast majority has nothing to do with them whatsoever2 so instead of wasting their time trying to figure out some perfect thing to say2 they're just thrown out as many opportunities as they possibly can2 if you look at this entire industry I not doesn't pay under strictures me so2 much of this industry2 is predicated on that promise you like I don't try to control everything this2 as industry is predicated on the promise I'm gonna give you what to say2 sign up for this take that and I'll give you that line so that you never get2 rejected2 it's been playing of men's and securities it's been telling us it's2 more complicated than it actually is2 is that you really have to win her over with some complex thing2 no she knows in the first five to 10 seconds whether she wants to sleep with2 your not2 coming this elaborate thing that you can hope we can talk in order to win her2 over2 it's not going to change that just a waste both your time maybe she's polite2 maybe she's not the girl that like you and we're into you at the end that2 with the same girls were gonna like you and warranty before that2 despite that2 the guys who are good with women well I could change the verbage you value2 chains affirmative all this cuz the whole2 idea that that a lot of people have been this community up2 approaching is is built in these mistakes are built into it2 this whole idea of going up to a girl or group of girls2 with something that they're that they have to say that they're hoping we'll2 get a specific reaction2 controlling the situation thinking that it's more than 60 for you they actually2 have more power in that the may actually do2 David think about to say they walk up they deliver it and then they stand2 there waiting to either be accepted or rejected2 whole idea of approaching is just one little2 with the bearer and it's no wonder why2 something's been broken for so long we keep trying to get better and better but2 they're still a big gaping hole and we can't figure out why2 I don't like to think about as I stop using the term approaching just because2 of how we generally think about when we think approaching2 because myself our guys were good with girl they don't think about it like2 okay up approach2 hey guys I gotta get back to my friend they'll think about it is like big thing2 they do2 sometimes we're gonna be around girls they're gonna try to position themselves2 around girls2 and then you later something they shout over their shoulder that is usually hey2 by the way this and that2 they're not trying to put in effort trying to get a good reaction they're2 just simply getting their attention because they know2 more than anyone else that's sometimes you're gonna get a positive reaction2 sometimes you're going to get a negative reaction2 memory I said that there are things that play into what you do2 are you smiling are you looking in the eyes can they hear you2 on the approach that's essentially it2 the respite it's up to them2 really try I stopped using the terms I2 approach and I started using the term dropping a hook2 dropping a book because we win win a fisherman are fishing right2 and they stick their lines in the water and the fish are biting that day they2 don't say oh I'm a shitty fishermen2 they say sometimes the fish just are biting that's just the way fish are2 sometimes2 maybe I'll try little different baits maybe I'll go check out a different2 fishing hole2 sometimes the fish by sometimes they doubt and I'm not going up with this2 whole thing try to do it under strop unhook2 I can go to the bar trouble took over my shoulder I can2 bump into some girl behind me look at and say excuse me well I just dropped2 the hook2 sometimes she's going to be like oh yeah I don't worry about it sometimes is2 going to be like2 ok no problem see I'm gonna say2 I'll that's a cool I like headband thing you're wearing she's going to be like2 either she's gonna be like banks or chicken butt okay thanks2 right you've all seen either one of these reactions before you know it2 happens2 but you it natural human tendency to over complicate2 bill that these big structures %uh what's going to happen when it's so2 freaking basic2 the only thing that make this complicated all love this top2 the only thing that makes it complicated is this thing right here it's2 so but freaking simple2 the only thing that makes the cut a complicated is your doubt2 you're in security that wants to make it more complicated to make you feel like2 you can't do it2 its breaking simple a promised myself I wouldn't swear I made that promise in2 years past2 but freaking to sounds weird arm2 drop books Dropbox sometimes2 they're going up well sometimes are not you lose nothing2 what so ever wanna be lost right there not taking it personally2 and and yet because you're not like wasting all your time 10 minutes trying2 to2 like dig out like finally they got a good reaction which never woulda came2 anyway2 we could drop 10 more and you're not thinking about it is a big script in2 this big thing you have to Robin do2 what what what are my looks house ago and when he grows up till2 I like that Lucky Dube right that was cute do that again2 sometimes is gonna be like yeah sometimes you can really get this loo :09what I just lost their nothing all you it can ever do is gain information2 that's it stop approaching girls in just are dropping hooks2 everywhere you go the more you drop2 the more girls here had talked to it doesn't have to be fancy got what what2 what what you don't like paper hook in the world is2 to really really simple2 you see that I'm communicating with you did you see that writer2 on who did not see that2 area2 did you notice that I was doing something for dude I get your attention2 did you see2 now some girls you're going to be like or some girls going to be like2 I just dropped the hook right there all it is is finding out2 what is girls deal that's all I wanna do I just wanna know2 and the only way you can tell is thought to say something2 I used to teach different they say will look at it and see if the really2 friendly2 then go approach him if they look really like pit stop don't approach him2 I mean in general I'm still can operate under that but if I'm coaching2 there you never know cuz I had girls that look most friendly and they've just2 been cold and I said I'm a girl that look like they wanna punch somebody2 actually be really sweet they were just kinda shy and nervous before you never2 know2 and let you check so why not why wouldn't you2 traffic sucks man II literally every single day I live in New York side walk2 past a shit ton of people all the time2 every single day I'm literally will consciously try to make eye contact with2 each and every single person I pass2 practice all it is is practice2 and sometimes girls are gonna smile back2 sometimes though you know my favorite responses when I'm like giving others2 boring the people had that they don't see me I would just stare into I get2 something2 that's another thing spirit people have that that the hook if they don't see you2 never counted you once there who are you talking about wait until their eyes meet2 as soon as our eyes meet your gonna know whether there and you're not2 either they're gonna smile back either they're gonna be like2 or my favorite responsible about that they might2 favorite response which most guys don't think over the positive response2 but when I look at a girl boldly and she looks away really fast when she looks2 down2 hola spot so much to I know just like when a2 maybe in times past obviously not nowadays but I know when a girls made me2 nervous when she's look at me I i've had that same reaction2 so when a girl does that I just get this smile on my face too I know at what I2 just did tour inside her body2 I just know right right2 here's how you know you're doing it right I say the same thing about2 escalation you know how you're doing it right2 you know you doing it just enough because it feels really weird on the2 inside you feel awkward you feel funny if you're not stepping outside their2 comfort zone if you're not making your own self feeling well with the amount I2 contact you're making you're not making enough2 if you're not feeling really really awkward about how how2 far you're pushing the interaction you're not doing enough I promise you2 because if you were2 you have a lot different result in you've already been having and if you2 just keep doing what you've always done2 gonna keep getting what you've always gotten so you have to take different2 actions2 really what it comes down to2 it's so simple I mean we can break this down conversation gonna talk about2 conversations last year I talk about2 offering talk about not talking too much it's never about the secret2 a nothing about conversation that so funny is based on the same principle2 guys always say what I think about it the same way with what do I say2 but what what what's the thing that i'm gonna be able to say2 to get her to like me the ultimate fallacy the ultimate liability industry2 the ultimate live yourself down here in security2 you're not good enough as you are she would not like you3 just for being the person who you are standing in front upper3 you have to say something to get her to like you she's up here3 you're down here any there she's gotta come down a couple pag3 are you gotta say something that's going to bring you up the3 AlterNet fucking lie love3 the industry and they didn't come up with that you've been telling yourself3 that long before they ever came up and made money off that and security3 bullshit in the meantime she sat there wondered why the hell is this guy3 talking so much3 I like him I was actually into him why is he trying to act like he needs to win3 me over3 actually no I don't like him anymore what the hell is he trying to make up3 for3 guys always think that I have to be the funny when I have tried to get her to3 like me I have to say the thing that's going to make her3 arm fall for me now whatever female3 assistance actually said it best when dak I was talking about a summer thing3 she said3 its far more sexy far more attractive far more important3 to be intrested than it is to be interesting3 guys always think that in order to get a girl like them they have to be the funny3 one they have to be the charming one3 they have to be the star3 vast majority women out there3 they want to be a funny one they wanna feel as though they're the charming when3 they want a guy to make them feel like bear the sexy one3 it's your job to provide the framework for the conversation it's your job to3 lead the conversation3 it's your job to give her the opportunity3 tough fill the conversation with the beauty with3 the things that women are great at filling our lives with with other funny3 stories in the giggling and3 the laughter that you're just sitting back poking fun at really3 tell me more about that are you serious on you3 fucking hole Harris the same thing3 with the girl you don't care about your like now that's really cool and she just3 won't shut up3 the girl you like all this on you won't shut up cuz you're trying to impress her3 so much what's changed the girls are you3 why has the reaction change from the girl simple3 we over complicated in our heads we've got something to prove not to them3 but we don't feel like we have enough ourselves3 we don't feel like we're good enough so we feel like we have to do something3 extra3 all you gotta do is put yourself out there that's a sensually you put3 yourself in a woman's path3 and give her the chance to impress you I'm not trying to3 talk to you to reach any hook point with girls I'm giving girls the opportunity3 to hook me3 sometimes they will sometimes they won't3 the sooner I stop taking those loans personal and start laughing at him3 soon I'm gonna start having a lot more amazingly enjoyable experiences wit