We know that all couples bicker, they argue, it seems to be quite a normal part of relationships. When does it become a problem though? It becomes a problem in two major ways. One is when the balance of negativity versus positive feelings goes in the negative side. So your experience of each other is that you don't agree, that you don't understand each other, that you can't accept your differences and do anything about them. The other way it becomes a problem, is when the management of conflict goes out of control and you have high levels of conflict that, um, wound each other and that are also become, if you have children around, become the children's experience of you, because children do very badly when there are high levels of conflict around. I have to say, adults do very badly when there are high levels of conflict around. So the management of conflict seems to be the key to having relationships be successful. It's one of the keys. Arguing/Rowing, is it always bad? By no means, every couple needs to learn how to argue well, because every couple has differences. So they have to know how to hear each other's different views and they have to be able to tolerate the difference, and they have to be able to feel understood. That can be a way of learning about each other. There is good arguing and there is bad arguing, and I think couples who manage it well, are people who have boundaries around their arguments, so they don't, there are certain things you do not say because if you say them, you can't ever make someone feel ok about them. You also, another good arguing strategy is that, you take time out so that you monitor when you are getting out of control and actually stay away from the thing that is stimulating you.