The technology of dating is a serious human science. Now, actually, I’m kidding! Dating should be fun and relaxed. So many people get worked up about it, especially if you’ve been on the dating scene for many years. Trying to meet the right person, trying to relax, trying to second guess what they’re thinking can be extremely stressful for some people. Now, there are a few common dating mistakes people make. Once you’ve got your reasonable level of personal grooming sorted out - you know, you’ve remembered to have a bath in the fortnight preceding the date, you don’t smell too bad, and so forth - then we’ve got that out of the way and we can look at psychology. If we’re very tense, what happens? We come across in a certain way when we’re stressed. You may be the most humorous, relaxed, fun individual when you’re relaxed, but when you get tense you can come across as serious, aloof, unfriendly, and even controlling. So a key element to dating, of course, is to relax. Research into personal ads has found that the most attractive personal ads come from people who don’t just talk about themselves in the ad. It might be an ad of several paragraphs; someone who just talks about themselves and doesn’t talk about what they would like in a partner comes across as, perhaps, incredibly self-centred. Somebody who just talks about what they want in you but doesn’t mention themselves a lot comes across as perhaps a little bit stalker-like, a little bit creepy. But people who say something like, “This is me… [Couple of sentences about me and then a couple sentences about what I’d like to know about you and so forth.]” is the most attractive bet for most people. It’s the same on a date. If you just talk about yourself on the date - and some people do, don’t they? - you start to feel that you could be any pair of ears; there’s nothing special about you being there. In fact, you can ask someone to take over for a while while you have a rest. But if they’re just talking about you all the time and how the two of you are going to set up home together and what are you going to call your first kid and so forth, you come across as too desperate and too needy. So again, the conversation needs to be a little bit about you and a little bit about me, but not too much about us on the first date, because that comes across as a little bit too premature and people do get desperate if they’ve been dating for a long time. Other tip 59It’s a good idea to smile. Research has shown that people who smile a lot tend to be more attractive, even if physically, genetically they weren’t gifted with paramount looks. If they smile, if they’re friendly, if they’re enthusiastic, if they have energy, then that equates to a kind of charisma and makes them certainly more memorable and more interesting. So, smiling - you know, genuinely smiling; if the person’s annoying you, you don’t need to smile, but if you’re having a good time, smiling and looking into the person’s eyes whilst you’re smiling will make you significantly more attractive to the other person, if that’s what you want to be. Rehearsing the way you need to feel in the date before the date is also another key element to relaxing with dating. So often we’ll rehearse where we’re going to go, we’ll plan what we’re going to wear, and so forth, but we don’t actually plan how we’re going to feel. And a way to plan how you’re going to feel during the date is to close your eyes and to mentally rehearse feeling upbeat, relaxed, communicative, fun, and so forth, so that it’s much more likely you’ll spontaneously feel like that in the date itself. The important thing is, of course, for everyone dating to remember that a date is…just a date. It’s just a chance to have some fun, maybe get to know somebody, maybe not. It’s experimental, exploratory - nothing more, nothing less. So relax and enjoy dating, and any relationship that springs forth from dating will be a happy by-product of feeling right when you’re dating right.